GOD's Plan

So, I have struggled with coming up with new content and trying to stay the course of what I'm wanting to do with this blog. Writers block with a pinch of laziness and lack of focus has been why I’m so late on a new post. Well, here I am with my NEW YEAR post! (only 23 days late right?)

One of the things, if not the number one thing I set out to do with Cleyoncé Knows is to inspire and uplift. I know how important it is to me to be inspired or up lifted. So I’m sure someone else can relate and may need that too.

2018 ended okay for me. I ended the year unemployed, entrepreneurial endeavors failing (or not as well as I’d like them), still no man, and no kids (which I desire to have one day) BUT, I had my blog! Turning 33 still in the same place I had been the last 3 years; miserable, depressed, and lost. Doing it alI with a BIG OLE SMILE!!! (Lil Duval said smile so thats what I did) I found everything wrong with my life, even down to how I looked. I just wasn’t happy, but I still had my blog!!!

2019 came and like every year I set new goals and make a new vision board. While I’m creating my NEW 2019 vision board, I realize, it’s almost identical to my last 2.

2018 Vison Board

If you know me you know I’m big on my faith even though I’m not a holly roller. My relationship with God means so much to me that when I’m not doing as I should I am heavily convicted. I thank God for My Best Friend and my Family that keeps me grounded with my faith cause sometimes I stray.

Meanwhile, I’m looking at my vision for 2019.I remember praying for those same things in 2018 yet 0 but 1 (my blog) came to fruition. I began to question God. Why me? Why can’t I have the things I desire? Why hasn’t my career taken off? Why am I not married? what did I do so bad? Am I being punished?

2019 vison board

I’m watching my friends flourish in their careers, making move, having families, buying new cars. Yet I’m still where I’ve been the last 3 years. Im still driving the same car that needs work done, back home with my parents, working jobs that were unfulfilling, to help me fund my dreams of being my OWN BOSS. I was happy for my friends but couldn’t help being in a dark place asking God when is my turn?

I have my moments when I give up on God, then I snap out of it. I try so hard to still believe (which I still do) that 2019 is MY YEAR just like 2017 and 2018 was my year! My year of “What?” is what I asked,God. Another year of struggling in my career? My year of “Still”? Still Not happy, still in this car, still single with no family of my own, still working jobs I hate and not working in my passion?

I had to take an assessment of self and judge me. Be as real with myself as I could. I’m lazy at times, I’m impatient, I’m spoiled, when things gets tough I break down and QUIT. I realized I’ve been praying and creating these vision boards with no action behind it. Spending money frivolously and not saving for that new car, not doing what I need to do to be 50 pounds lighter. Just praying for something to fall out the sky. Cause the Bible said, “Ask and you shall receive.” right? Well, God I’ve been asking for a while now so WASSUP?

Nights of feeling sorry for myself and tears from feeling like I’m the biggest failure on earth. I realized how extremely blessed I was. I’ve never been on the street, my car still works, a trade that I can take any place, family and friends that never let me go without, and several talents that I can use to create a great future for me. I was being ungrateful. My prayers changed in that moment. I stopped praying “God please gimme this…” to “God thanks for this…” even in the midst of this 3 year storm, I had to be thankful!

I now pray that GOD’s will be done in my life. I talk to him to let him know I trust him and whatever he is doing. (even when doubt comes) I pray for the wisdom to make right decisions. I pray that spirits of laziness and comparison and etc. are removed. I pray for peace of mind that my time is near. I realize this life isn’t for me and my plans, but GOD’s PLAN.

Prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father, forgive me for putting my own plan in place and not yours. I realize this life isn’t for me but for you. I pray for guidance so that your will, will be done in my life. Give me the wisdom to discern what is you and what isn’t. In, Jesus, name I PRAY Amen.