(IN) COMPLETE

The number one thing I set out to do with my blog is to help and encourage someone all while helping and encouraging myself! I use my transparency to encourage, but it’s mostly for me! I know I sometimes need to know I’m not alone and that my problems aren’t as bad as they seem.

Being in this dark place That I’m currently in the word incomplete just kept coming to me. That’s exactly how I feel! I’m 33 and life is nothing like I imagined it. I feel incomplete! Something is missing! What is it? Is it because I don’t have the car I, want, the career and money I want, that man I want? I couldn’t put my finger on it.

Alone in my room, I cried hysterically for no reason at all. Looking in my mirror I laughed at myself, because I looked crazy! I was looking at the answer right in the face! Immediately I had to self reflect (which I often do) . God, what was I doing wrong? Why is this my life? When is my winning season? Why do I constantly feel empty? I pray, I try to be the best person I can be to others. Was this payback for something? Then it hit me! (Imma say it was God speaking to me) Cleshundra, you’re inconsistent! You start things, but don’t finish. I felt God telling me you start with me but you don’t finish with me. I give you a task but you never complete it. You always revert back to your old ways. Ones that are not pleasing to me. The excessive partying, drinking, over eating (I’m an emotional eater), old boyfriends, etc. You go a week or two then you fall off! All alone in my room God found a way to convict me. I had to be real with me and real with God! I knew I was inconsistent. It’s been a struggle for me since young adulthood. I give up at the sign of trouble. When things don’t flow I quit. When I don’t see results I quit.

Self reflection strikes again!

The word impatient hits like a ton of bricks! I hate waiting! God told me I never give him time to work! I stray away before he can begin to bless me. I pray for that financial increase and pay tithes for a hot second then when I see no results, doubt sets in and I stop! I take matters into my own hands. I Pray for that husband... no one shows up then here I go back to

"Blow Joe and Nem" again! I start a fitness journey I still see my gut, I go back to eating again, and goodbye gym. Being impatient made me somehow think I can move faster and better than God! But the current state I’m in proves me incorrect! I am incapable of doing his work for him!

What have all these words had in common?

“I” (representing me) and another letter (represents anything I place before God), starts the word and then makes it a negative

I have to remove “IN” to be CAPABLE to do his will. I have to remove “IN” to be CORRECT in his eyes.

I have to remove “IM” to be more PATIENT as he has asked of me. I have to remove “IN” to be CONSISTENT in my faith walk. And I have to remove “IN” To be COMPLETE and ONE with him.