Story Time: Love Sick

I haven’t told this story in a very long time. Probably because thinking about it kind of makes me upset. I get angry with myself, wondering how did I let it happen. Anyone who has ever been heartbroken and or lovesick knows that that pain is like no other. You eventually get over it, but that imprint on your heart really last FOREVER. The good thing about it is there is always a lesson to be learned. I try to look at heartbreak as a form of preparation for THE ONE. I tried to make this as short as I could. Here is a story about the time I was LOVE SICK.

This takes place in the Fall of 2005. I had just moved into my apartment in Murfreesboro, My sophomore year at MTSU.

It all started with my roommates and I having a set at our apartment. One of our friends brought his roommates with him. He was short, goofy looking, so not my type, but he was super cute. Of course, he was trying to get down on me, but I wasn’t interested since I had a boyfriend back home. It was a party so we did chat a bit. Found out he lived across the street in the same apartments as me. We both were from the same home town and knew a lot of the same people.

We ended up talking and I really started to like him. One night on a drunk night It went down! At the time I was very inexperienced so he was teaching me. Back then I thought that the "D" was the best thing since sliced bread! (Looking back now... it was real OK).

I’m only 19 so naïve Cle is head over heels for him. He had to feel the same way since we "did it", Right? NOT! I later find out through some girls about his ex-girlfriend. I definitely asked him about her. He let me know it was his ex-girlfriend and that situation was indeed OVER. I believed him. In my mind he no time to see anyone else cause I was always around.

I just knew he was going to be my boyfriend. I hadn't ever felt this way about no one ever! I eventually asked him, "What are we?". He was very clear that he was not wanting a girlfriend. He had to focus on school and he wanted to wait until he graduated. BULL S**T! I didn't care because in my head I was his girlfriend already. I knew eventually he would change his mind. I mean I was with him all the time, we were being intimate, spending the night together almost every night, cooking for one another, he was taking me to school, we would ride back to Memphis together, I hung with him and his friends, he even beefed with some chics for fucking with me. He even brought in my 20th Birthday with me. SO HE HAD TO CHANGE HIS MIND RIGHT? I really thought this was my BEST FRIEND.

I was clearly IN LOVE! About 10 months in and still no title, he started changing up. He would tell me stuff like he heard I was messing with other guys, Which was NOT true! He had gotten a little job so we were not staying the night together as much now, but I thought it was because of work. This ex I had heard of was starting to call his phone. So I’m now in panic mode. 20-year-old Cle was about to lose “the love of my life” (not even)! We started arguing and would be fighting, I’m pulling out knives, he got mad cause I posted him on Facebook, I’m crying and knocking on his door at night. Just drama and me acting crazy!

The night everything went left...

I get a call from a guy.

Guy: Hey Cle, this is _____. Are you and "ole boy" still dating?

Ok, no Now I'm thinking this guy is crazy. When did he really have time to be talking to his ex? I hang up from Guy and call Ole Boy. He tells me that he is at the library and will be studying all night cause this was the day before finals. I believed him! Moments later my roommates come in the room and show me some pics of him and the girl on Facebook that were just uploaded! My heart was in my stomach my armpits hot ... I’m devastated!

I call Guy back and ask him for the ex-girlfriend's number and called her.

Me: Hey this is Cle and I want to know if you and Ole boy are still dating?

Her: Yes, why?

Me: Because he and I are as well

Her: Well he is on his way over now. I will leave the door unlocked and you can come on in.

My roommates and I jumped in the car and we went on over. I walk in and there his a** is sitting at the kitchen table like he had just seen a ghost.

Me: What are you doing here?

He doesn’t respond.

Her: Who is she to you?

Him: I don’t know her.

Me: Wait! you don’t know me?

At this point, she and I are going back and forth comparing stories, dates and times and etc. She has his mom on the phone listening to this whole ordeal. I have my mom on the phone as well to confirm my stories since now he doesn't know me and I'm a liar all of a sudden.

Him: She just some h** that likes me and is mad that I don't want to f**k with her! I love you! Not her!

Now I’m having a baby heart attack. The guy I had spent just about every day with for the last 11 months, who I thought had my back, was my best friend, and I was in love with, just denied me to my face and told his Ex-girlfriend in front of me that he loved her and not me! So with tears in my eyes ask him,

Me: Look me in my eyes and tell me I’m lying and you don’t give a fuck about me.

He looks at the ground and says,

Him: "Cle I don’t love you I love her."

I'm hysterically crying at this point. I got so many questions. Why? What did ever do to him for him to be so cold and mean to me? Damn, I wasn't good enough? I was all over the place. He even pushed me and tried to fight me out the door of her apt. It was like a scene from a movie. (her roommates and mine did jump his ass though for touching me)

I’m hurt! I don’t know what to do. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I didn’t go take one final exam... flunked out of some of my classes. I didn’t eat for 14 days. All I did was drink Dr. Pepper. I wanted to leave I didn’t want to be in Murfreesboro any longer. I literally was LOVE SICK. I cried anytime I was awake. I just went to sleep just to not think about it. Throwing up but hadn’t eaten a thing. I looked like I had been hit by a car. So bad my roommate called my parents. It was like death but the Nigga was still living across the street. I still had to see him and with her! Sadness turned into anger cause I wanted him to feel how I felt. He does the damage but gets the happy ending. It took some time and even some doubling back before I got over him, but I DID!

This was my first "SITUATIONSHIP" I had ever been in. It taught me to believe a man when he says he isn't ready. HE MEANS IT! We as women can't make a man be ready or force him to see our value. I learned that a man will only do what you allow. He saw me as a good time, something to do, so he treated me as such. His intent was never to be with me. I allowed it for a long time. I was the rebound girl that he made a mistake and ended up liking a little bit. I now know how to protect my feelings and not fall so hard, be observant and not be so blind that you ignore the signs.