STORY TIME: The Date From Hell

Do Y’all remember that show on BET Hell Date? That happened to me once. I was looking for that little guy dressed as the devil to appear, but he didn't!

This story I’m about to tell you all was the weirdest and the worst date that I have even been on, All thanks to a client of mine who wanted to play matchmaker. Her heart was in the right place but it was an epic fail.

So my client is sitting in my chair and we’re having casual girl talk. She was telling me her love story on how she and her husband got together. I made a comment about me wanting to be married or something to that nature. Now we’re on the subject of my singleness! I guess a light bulb went off in her head and she began to tell me about a guy from her job. She was a principal at a school and he was a teacher. Sounds good right? So she goes on to tell me a little of his business. Apparently, he had a girlfriend he was allegedly so so so good to. He helped put her through school and she broke his heart so bad.

She gave me a description of him;

“ He is tall and handsome. He has a little edge to him and the kids loooove him. "

I went on to ask some questions and for a little bit more info. I eventually asked to show me a picture of the man. Ok... so she can’t find a pic cause he isn’t on social media all he had was a linked in profile. The profile picture was a side profile. He had on glasses and a suit. So I’m like ok he may be ok. I really couldn't tell though.

So fast forward a few weeks later she texts me and asks if she can give him my number. At first, I was confused because I completely forgot about the conversation. It was just shop talk to me. Apparently, he had seen my pics by now and thinks ya girl is a snack! I give her the ok.

About a week later he texts me and asked if it was ok to call. He calls and we talk for a hot second, he sends me a few pictures (he was not easy on the eyes, but I’m not shallow) He eventually asked if we could go out. OK, cool and I made a few suggestions. He then responds with,

“Well, I’m a real laid back kinda guy. I don’t really be out like that. I just wanna chill and drink and ride around!”

I’m thinking...

Ummmmm no, sir! First of all, I don’t know you! Secondly, You want me to ride with you while you drink and drive! The hell?

I immediately find a way to end the conversation and get him up off my line.

About a week later he calls me again. Bored me decides to answer the phone. He asked me out again, but this time he seems more interested in an actual date. He schedules it for the following Friday night and we’re to meet at 8pm. Friday gets here and I’m working. Anyone knows as a hairstylist Fridays can last long into the night. Inside I’m hoping he doesn't call and he forgets. He doesn’t! I get a call around 5pm asking if we're still on for 8pm. I let him know that I needed to push it back later due to work because nice a** Cle was feeling bad about canceling the whole thing. I started giving myself pep talks and s**t like...

“ Cle, see that’s why you ain’t got no man now. You won’t give nobody a chance. So what he ugly your ex was ugly. What if you miss out cause you being mean”

He was cool with meeting later. We agreed to meet at 10pm. Against my better judgment, I agreed to meet at his house and ride with him. Whyyyyy did I do that?

I get there and on time. I call him to let him know I am outside. He tells me he isn’t ready! So now I’m sitting outside and irritated as f**k! Now my pep talk has changed to

“Cle, why the hell you sitting outside this man house waiting on him like he a chic or sum? He got some nerve! Does he know who the hell you are? You are Cle!”

Then he calls and says,

"Just come in I need 10 mins."

Now I’m getting scared. I call my BFF, sent the address the name and all the info on him I had. Again, against my better judgment, I go in. I walk to the door in the cold! I'm standing at the door another 3 mins! So now I’m extra irritated and cursing him in my head!

Y’all! This man comes to the door in a Scooby Doo Graphic tee, some old a** Girbaud jeans with the velcro straps on them! I’m now thinking,

"Awww naw we going somewhere dark! I can’t be seen with this man!"

I walk in through the kitchen area and it stinks cause there is a pit bull living in the kitchen. It smells like dog poop and the floor looks wet like the dog has been pissing everywhere! We walk through the living room and there is a couch and love seat that looks like he got it out the trash can. I was definitely not sitting on that. We walk to his room. In there, there was a couch, bed, tv and one fold-out chair. He has company so I speak to his friend and sit in the chair. They had the trap music loud and they were smoking! He then goes in the restroom. I’m assuming he is about to change that awful outfit!

I pull out my purse the double shot of Crown I had and drank it. By now I realize I am going to need a drink to get through this. I’m talking to the friend trying to act like I’m comfortable and all, but I’m scared and every bad thought has crossed my mind. I'm saying my prayers and repenting just in case he is a serial killer!

He comes out and he’s ready! But guess what? He still has on the same clothes! This time with a jacket.

We go out through the garage door and there is his car. He had a nice Corvette. So we get in we leave. You would think that he would wanna talk while we ride but no he has the music sky high. I tell him where we going. I recommend a hookah lounge that I knew was low key and dark! He agreed. We're on the highway and he is driving crazy as hell! I ask him to slow down. He now got a whole attitude with me! So I’m extra afraid! I’m praying and giving myself another pep talk,

”Cle you knew your dumb ass shoulda stayed at home, you ain’t even wanna go why you get in this car”

We pull up at a gas station he goes in gets us some water. Then we pull up to the hookah place. We're sitting in the car and I’m waiting for him to get out the car. I grab my purse because we're about to get out the car and go inside right? WRONG!!!

This man turns to me and says

“Aye mane I ain’t really feeling this mane. You don’t seem comfortable mane and Ion really be going places mane and I told you I just be wanting to ride around and chill mane. So Imma take you back to your car mane and call it a night mane!”

I looked over, smiled and said, "Ok!"

He turns the music back up and we head back across town to his house! The ride was so awkward and his dumb ass was still driving fast! I’m just praying I get to my car!

We get back to his house! I jump out that d**n car so fast! He comes to my car and says, "Nice to meet you! Imma call you tomorrow." ( No sir you’re blocked but ok!)

Y’all I couldn’t believe what had just happened! Nothing like this has ever happened to me. This old, over 30 years old man acting like a teenager wanting to ride around Memphis! He clearly had no intentions on a date. He wanted to meet me and he did exactly what he wanted and that was to ride around! My client couldn’t believe it either! She was in shock she was apologizing so much it was too funny!

So fast forward to about 7 months later this fool finds my number and calls me. Not knowing who it was I answered'

Me: Hello

HIm: Hey wyd

Me: Who is this

Him: “Ugly dude” ion wanna say his name

Me: Who?

Him: Remember ______'s co-worker

Me: Awwww hey

Him: How you been?

Me: Good and you

Him: Cool...wyd

Me: In bed chilling before work

Him: Oh ok well can you bring me some chic-fil-a? I wanna see you

Me: Huh?

Him: Yeah just come over here for a min and bring me some breakfast so I can see you.

Me: I knooooow you F**king lying!

I couldn’t believe this fool! I definitely cursed him out and reminded him of the horrible date! Apparently, he thought it wasn’t that bad of a date or lack thereof (it wasn’t a date at all) and that I was overreacting. Cleary we had two different takes on this entire situation. He continued texting after that but no reply from Cle! A bunch of good morning text unanswered. He eventually got the message!