5 REASONS WHY I HATE DATING...

It’s no secret that ya girl is single. I mean, single single! It’s been that way for a few years now! I was in an on again off again whatchamacallit (not a relationship) with an ex, but that ended September of 2017. Since then I didn’t really take a break. I know what you’re thinking.

“You need to heal.” “ Take time for Cle!”

Being 30 sumthing I personally don’t have the time to take years to heal. I definitely didn’t feel the need to since I had emotionally checked out of that relationship long before I physically left. Just going through the motions! Complacency is a hell of a Drug, but that’s a whole new post!

I can remember breaking up with that same exact ex and coming home to tell my dad about it! First thing I said with tears in my eyes, heartbroken and all!

“Daddy Imma stop dating for a while. I'm over it!”

Daddy’s response,

“why would you do that? Why are you waiting?”

We are conditioned to think we have to take these long breaks before we move on to dating. But no we don’t! Maybe before entering a relationship, you should, but dating not so much. Dating is simply collecting data if you’re doing it properly! (I don’t sometimes)

Since that talk with my dad, I have taken the phrase “I’m on to the next one” literally!

During my data collecting, I realize how much I have a LOVE /HATE relationship with dating! It’s nothing like how it used to be back in the 90s or early 2000s. I can think of a list of reasons why I hate it, but I'll share my TOP FIVE!

The questionnaire- If you’re anything like me you hate answering those same a** questions that everyone like to ask. " What’s your favorite ____? What do you like to do? Age? Birthday? Zodiac sign!? Yada, Yada, Yada! The one question I hate most, “Why are you still single?” Gosh, that question grinds my gears!!! If I knew the answer to that question then maybe I wouldn’t be single or dating in this day and time! Granted these things we should wanna know, but let’s get more creative in finding these things out. Face the fact that no one will really tell us the real reason they are still single!

Methods of Communication- Do you remember when you wrote your number down on a piece of winter fresh gum paper then giving it to a guy? Maybe you remember adding your number to his contacts in his Nokia phone! By 8 p.m. you actually received a phone call and talked for hours about everything or nothing at all! (Don't act like ya'll didn't just sit on the phone.) Yeah, it’s all a blur to me too! Nowadays it’s going down in the DM and texting reigns supreme!

Though sometimes I prefer texting when I’m busy, I would like a phone call more often than seldom. Dates should not be asked via text. I’m like Travis Scott when it comes to communicating, PICK UP THE PHONE BABY!!

Inconsistencies- This one here is most hated by me! Judging from my social media it’s a lot of us dealing with this. Back in the day once ole boy got the number he called every day even if only a min! It made you feel somewhat special even if he was calling some other girl right after. Oooh but now, we're going days and weeks in between communication. Dates are scarce, yet he is still expressing his strong liking for you! “Yeah, I can tell cause you haven’t asked me out or called in days/ weeks.” This is the quickest way to get me to chuck the dueces! If you’re interested in me, I'm going to need to see consistency, period!

Lack of Romance- The lack of effort men (some not all) put into dates is sad! No romance or nothing! We meet at the restaurant, have dinner, and a few drinks, now you want me to come over!

Netflix & Chill, Firestick & D**k, Hulu & do you are as romantic (sarcasm) as it gets! Dates are getting later and later. Couples are dating at 12 a.m. instead of 7 p.m. Let’s get creative! If you need help Google has everything you need. Women still like romantic dates, flowers, cards, and Thinking of you text. Try dating me a while before you try to jump my bones on your tan and brown sectional in your living room during a “movie” session!

Wondering- My name is, Cle'Shundra, and I sir am not a superhero! I am not Wonder Woman! The feeling of wondering where the f**k this situation is going is one I'd rather not feel! Not knowing where you stand with the person you're dating is gut-wrenching. I hate it! This only comes when I feel I’ve made a connection, collected enough data, and may want to see where this could lead to. As a woman I’m totally against the, What are we? question. I will never ask. It is frustrating not knowing if we’re on the same page. Are we kicking it? Exclusive? Official? At this point, it's time to have the DTR (define the relationship) conversation.

All in all, dating can be a good time! It is our opportunity to learn a lot about the person of interest, even yourself. Dating is what we make of it. We should try to get back to those days before texting and social media was a "thing". People have to get creative with how they learn each other and stay away from those typical questions. We have to be consistent in our attempts to collect data on our potential BAE. Let's bring back that 90s R&B romance. Most of all, be intentional in our dating. If you're feeling it, Define it!